I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
