things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
