i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
