So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Randomize
