My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
