In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
