next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
