When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
