apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
