Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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