Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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