Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
