I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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