You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
