textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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