I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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