its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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