it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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