So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
