I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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