nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So many bounce houses so little time
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
