I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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