I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
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i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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