I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
