do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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