I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
