Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
