she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
