Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
