Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
