too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I deserve this hangover.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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