is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
