im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
