I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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