gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
