wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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