it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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