Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
