Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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