a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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