Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
