I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
worst night to have a conscience
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
