Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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