he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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