the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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