My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
