In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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