The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
