I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i think i just lost a toe
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
