oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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