god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
