go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
