the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize