Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
