today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
