So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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