Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
