My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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