I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Welp...herpes.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
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to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
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Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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