i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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