just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I touched a dick in church today
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