I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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