fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im holly from the hills drunk
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
