If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
