So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
