i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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