I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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