I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
