All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
