So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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