happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
